Dem-run state bans fires

Maxine Cabanban, Cartoonist

The semester is slowly nearing an end, and that means Summer is rapidly approaching! That means awesome pool activities with friends, beach days, festivals and slash or wasting your pure teen days away hidden in the depths of your dark, musty room! However, high temperatures also bring something that nobody ever wants, though it’s a pretty common occurrence for people who live in California: Wildfires.
Fires are unstoppable energy that can spread across miles and miles of land with ease. It’s devastating and terrifying, just like any other force of nature. However, in California, fires are more common. But after years and years of planned discussion, the government has finally come up with a solution that will baffle many, but effectively stop the fire problem once and for all.
Five seconds ago (today), California has officially banned fire from existing.
Because of this ban, fires are legally not allowed to burn in California, and California only. If someone were to commit arson, the flame would instantly go out. Their lighter, match, whatever they were using, will spontaneously combust in their hands. Nobody has any idea HOW this works, but yes, any source of flame will go out immediately.
Unfortunately, this does involve campfires, grills, etc. So if you ever want to go camping, I’d recommend you go out of the state so you can sit around a campfire with your friends in Nevada. Just a quick 10-hour drive, no biggie! So remember folks, if you want to commit arson go OUT of the state.