Every student knows them. Every student loves them. However, the Hart High School administration will be taking them away. What am I talking about exactly? The beloved vending machines. Administration claims that all school vending machines will be banned from all Hart district school campuses as of the start of the 2024-2025 school year. Students and even some staff are furious about the situation.

“I just need some red40 while I’m at school or I’ll go through withdrawals. They can’t take away our baked hot cheetos and munchies,” said an administrator at High High School.

The administration and district board members claim that students were attempting to steal, vandalize and ultimately cause the vending machines to malfunction. Hart staff attempted to resolve this issue by establishing a new system of payment for the vending machines and have the machines only accept credit cards and Apple Pay. Yet, this did not work in their favor.

As a result of the ban, vending machines will begin disappearing off of campuses starting the last two weeks of the 2024 spring semester. Eliminating the vending machines is not ideal, especially for those who enjoy a quick snack, but the board has already voted on the ban.

So, as the vending machines stick around their final weeks, make sure to get your last few purchases of the Poptarts and bid them a loving goodbye.

Just kidding, this is all satire. Happy April Fools!