Disney Vs. DeSantis: Contentious Special Election


Image from Creative Commons

The Walt Disney corporation has taken the cryogenically frozen head of Walt Disney out of their secret vault and placed it on a cyborg body. This marks the beginning of his political career. A representative of Disney has stated that Cyborg Disney will be running against DeSantis in a special election orchestrated by the Disney corporation.

This competition comes following a bill signed to take control of the municipal zone surrounding the Disney World Park, essentially destroying the special privileges afforded to the park. Disney organized a debate between the two candidates inside the EPCOT Ball.

“Governor DeSantis has set up a mouse trap, trying to stamp out our influence in this state. I made Florida. Before I came here with my vibrant, whimsical infrastructure, this was essentially a penal colony for the elderly,” said Disney.

“Mr. Disney, I find it despicable how your corporation has spoken out against my legislation. You rejected my Don’t Say Gay Bill. You don’t know what is best for the people. You don’t care about children,” said DeSantis.

“I don’t care about children? Me? Do you know how I get my money? And obviously the rights of homosexuals are in my best interest or we would have nobody to play Prince Eric in the parade. Parades! Those people love parades,” Disney said.

Halfway through the debate, a grown woman in a Disney World polo shirt stormed the stage and was restrained by security. She was then tasered in what is being called a “nearly fatal freak accident” caused by the sheer amount of ornamental Goofy pins on her vest. This is a horrifically tragic event and seems to be a negative precursor to what will come of this election. DeSantis has already begun running a smear campaign against Disney, alleging that a human head affixed to a robotic body should not be able to hold office, with Disney firing back in a press conference.

“Governor DeSantis, I have something to say to you. I’m not human enough to hold office? I’m more human than you. It seems as though you have no heart. I do. Sure, it is powered by a lithium battery and 15 tubes running throughout my mech suit, but at least it is there,” Disney said.