Former U.S. President Donald Trump left a scathing review of sensitive documents given to him by his lawyer, Micheal Cohen. The review, however, had nothing to do with the contents of such documents, but rather, the taste. 

After being banned from a multitude of social media platforms, including Twitter, Trump claims he was forced to resort to using his old Myspace account to get the review out. 

“My fellow Americans, this is your president Donald J(enius) Trump. I am being cruelly forced to use this ‘My Space’ account that I made in 2008, since I have been banned from Yelp. Please make sure to subscribe to my post before the Liberal far-Left Communist Fascist Democrats censor me once again. I have very important information to tell you,” said Trump, starting his 17-paragraph-long post.

After Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders officially endorsed “Mecycle” (an organization encouraging people to eat paper, rather than food, to end both hunger and paper waste), eating strictly paper has become the newest fad diet among millenials. Whole Foods even sells it in bulk, although implied health benefits have not been scientifically proven.

“I tried it once! Never again! It was disgusting, it was bland, just go out and treat yourself to a McRib, America!” Trump said. 

He reportedly does not blame Cohen, his lawyer who he claims “served” the meal to him. 

The post was taken down two hours later by Myspace, as Trump violated their community guidelines by inciting violence in his final three paragraphs. Myspace has confirmed that Trump has now been banned from their platform.

“We never thought we’d have to say this, but yes, user @djtrump_imricherthanyou has been banned from Myspace in the year 2022. We are dedicated to protecting our five remaining users from misinformation,” said Myspace CEO Tim Vanderhook.