March 3, 2022, some pathetic nerdy kid with glasses narrowly avoided being laid out by a bully when the bully was stopped by a no-bullying zone sign on the wall of the school.

Biff Bully, a 4th grader at Learning Elementary School, was approaching Alexander Jameson, a total loser nerd, when he spotted a sign posted on the school’s fence that read “no bullying zone.” The sight of such an inspiring sign inspired him and stopped him in his tracks.

“I saw the sign and it changed my life at that moment. It really made me think past my bad family situation and realize how my violence might make other people hurt who don’t deserve it. I apologize profusely to anyone I have hurt over the years, I have learned more now and am doing my best to become a better person,” said Bully.

The “Stop bullying” movement had been widely unsuccessful across the nation, a mystery until experts discovered that bullies don’t generally give a crap about what some stupid adult says or how some wimp kid feels. This singular isolated incident is literally the first time this movement has done anything successfully. And it is unlikely to bring any success in the future.