Here’s an idea: let’s send Elon Musk to space…and leave him there

Cartoon courtesy of Breeze Aguilar

I can’t stand Elon Musk. Actually, I should rephrase that. I can’t stand trillionaires, but this article specifically targets Mr. Elon Musk. I actually don’t know much about Elon Musk. There, I said it. So should I even be writing this article? Maybe not. Are you, the reader, going to automatically invalidate my opinion? You might. But guess what? I write for William S. Hart High School’s The Smoke Signal, and you probably don’t. 

There have been debates on which avaricious rich guy is best (or in my opinion, worst): Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. My very firm belief is that I can’t stand either of them, and I think the argument that one is somehow better than the other is idiotic. I despise Bezos, so why is this article about Musk? To put it plainly, Elon Musk is a celebrity. People actually care about everything he does for some reason. Everyone’s heard about Elon Musk and Grimes’ kid with the weird name, but I can’t name any of Jeff Bezos’ kids. Does he even have any? Who knows? How many times has Jeff Bezos hosted Saturday Night Live? Zero. And he probably never will, because everyone knows he’s a villain (would Thanos host SNL?). Musk is seen as less villainous for some reason, but they’re the same to me. 

Don’t even get me started on the whole Space X situation. There are people in the United States who still don’t have clean water to drink, but let’s spend $74 billion to blast some dudes into space for fun. 

Finally, Teslas are ugly. There. I said it. At this point, owning a Tesla is just a status symbol. We get it, you have money. We get it, you’re probably in tremendous debt. The car is still ugly. I rest my case.