Breeze Aguilar: Human Enigma

Lucas Enrique Gomez, Sports Editor

Breeze Anne Martinez Aguilar, known by all, known well by few. But who is she? Today I will be having a conversation with this notorious, smelly senior. 

Lucas Gomez: Thank you for sitting down with us here at the Smoke Signal, first I’d-

Breeze Aguilar: You’re Welcome.

L: Yes, thank you. First I’d like to ask you what your name is and who exactly you are.

B: You know my name, you know who I am. If you didn’t know you wouldn’t be interviewing me.

L: Well, this is in case anyone reading isn’t familiar with you.

At this point, Breeze had loudly opened a bag of barbeque Lays and was chewing with ferocity, mouth open for all to see.

B: My name is Breeze Aguilar, I like art, I like cooking, I like electrical engineering, I like quantum computing. That’s… I can say more but that’s probably all you can fit. I’m interested in everything, I want to know everything. That’s the problem.

L: Great, my next-

B: I already know a lot, far more than you, probably. What’s the capital of Bulgaria?

L: I’m not sure.

B: I knew you wouldn’t know, you probably can’t even count to ten. Do it, try.

L: This is your interview. I ask you questions.

B: So you can’t.

L: I can.

B: So do it.

L: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.

Breeze got a phone call and answered immediately, exiting the room. Myself and the crew were very confused at this point and waited for eight minutes. She walked in and sat down.

B: Okay next question, I’m very busy.

L: What is your daily routine? Walk me through a day in your life.

B: Okay. I wake up and take my Tren and Sarms.

For those who are unaware, Tren and Sarms are steroids.

L: Now, why do you take both?

B: I like to hop on two cycles because it works better. I call it a bicycle, you can’t go as far on one wheel.

L: Wonderful. And for my last question, what would be your #1 piece of advice for Juniors becoming Seniors? 

B: Stay in School.

At this, she stood up and began to walk out. As she walked out the door she tripped and fell and started crying as she walked away.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this interview. This is, as always, your fearless reporter Lucas Gomez.