If you’re a real big baller, then you know the facts

Ahmed Ali, Opinion Editor

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In the wake of tumultuous events that have plagued our country, I would like to draw the attention of the American public back to an issue that has been simmering for too long. We have left one of the most pivotal debates raging within the NBA (and the world) wrongfully unattended and unanswered. Although many important matters have arisen, such as the wildfires that have ravaged the state of California, or the gross neglect of the crisis in Puerto Rico or the rise of collusion allegations threatening President Trump, we cannot continue to push this pressing issue aside.
I take it as my responsibility to provide an answer that will appease the American public, an answer that will ensure that American families can sleep safe and sound knowing this issue will be resolved. But enough beating around the bush: here is the truth everyone needs to hear.

LaVar Ball is better than Michael Jordan. There, I said it.

Here are some facts. Fact: LaVar Ball has never lost in the first round of the NBA finals. Fact: LaVar Ball has never cried on stage and become a meme. Fact: LaVar Ball has a baller name. Fact: Lavar Ball never stooped down to playing baseball, because he knows what “ball is life” truly means. Jordan lacks in every category just mentioned.

Let me provide some further justification before the haters start to come after me. Michael Jordan needed Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman and Horace Grant and barely scraped his way to the top with these superstars. LaVar Ball took three babies and made then into Lonzo, Liangelo and Lamelo Ball, killing machines on the basketball court. Give LaVar Ball any team, any set of players, and he will mold them around him. LaVar Ball is what Lebron James is if Lebron could make three pointers consistently.
Without the NBA, LaVar would probably be running for President. Without the NBA, LaVar would have never found meaning to his life and would have never started the Big Baller Brand. However, without LaVar, the NBA would never have an international hype man. The NBA would never have the Ball Brothers and the Lakers would still suck.
LaVar and the NBA are the yin and yang to one another, the balance in our universe.

I can already sense the retaliation from bandwagoners who are mad because they aren’t big ballers. So hypebeasts, stay in your lane. If you wanna be a big baller, trade in those wack Jordans for some ZO2s.
Ahmed out.

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If you’re a real big baller, then you know the facts